Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Dave's Thesaurus of Common Tennis Phenomena

Gentlemen's Alley - Down the center between two non aggressive players

Rope-a-Dope -- A net ball that runs a significant distance along the top of the net

Star Trek Ball -- A ball that veers off of a mishit to a point just over the net only inches from the outside line. A ball that goes where not other ball has gone before

Zenith Ball -- A ball that reaches its zenith exactly at the point it crosses the net so its entire path appears to be below the net and has no chance of going over the net

Drop Shit -- A drop shot into the net

Adrenalin Slam -- An overhead that hits the bottom of the net

Thwack -- Rimmed overhead

Thunk -- Rimmed volley

3rd serve -- The serve that follows a let second serve

Slow Ball Force Field -- A ball from a mishit dink that is so slow it can be swung at at least two times (unsuccessfully).

Close Call -- Couldn't be any more out and still be in.

Don King Ball -- A tennis ball that gets fuzzier rather than smoother during play

Score Lapse -- When old men or artists play tennis

Sheep Event -- When an errant player begins to switch sides on an even score and all the other players follow suit

Switch Event -- When players switch during a point and tries to serve to the wrong side

Naval Jewelry (aka Naval Destroyer) -- An overhead slam to your opponents midsection

Whiff -- self explanatory

Tennis Dance -- The behavior of the one player who never hits the ball during an extended point--contributing only footwork

Unforced Winner (sometimes called simply Forced Winner) -- an accidental winning return of a shot that overpowers a player

Faux Pro -- A shot made by a weekender that only a top 10 player can make intentionally

Wiener -- A winner turns into a wiener when followed by a winning faux pro.

Dinkage -- a rally collapsing to weaker and weaker dinks until it finally ends in a slow ball force field (see above definition)

None for All -- when two balls are coming at you and you try for both but get neither

Yours Alley -- that lane down the center where each player yields to the other

Mine Alley -- that lane down the center where each player tries for the return, often hitting one another's racquet. This has a high danger quotient.

Kivorkian -- You are down 0-40 and you double fault

Net Enhancement -- A winner created by clipping the net

Rosary Tennis -- Where you pray the opponent's shot is long rather than playing the shot.

Swamp Shot -- A shot that goes Bayou.

Walk the Pitcher -- When you double fault early in a game.

Over Belly -- When an overhead, hit by the wind, falls short and results in a slam into the bottom of the net.

Gimp Get -- When a player with a bum hip and two knees races to get a drop shot and rims it for a winner.

Oh-Look-A-Squirrel-Canine-Instinct -- When a player takes their eye off the ball to look at the net person on the other side. Obviously this results in an error.

Mother Lucker -- Enough said.

OCD service advantage -- Before serving go to net and move the center strap off center. The greater the diagonal the greater the stress,

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

How many have you hired?

Now that we have the new tax breaks for the rich I have tried to ask everyone who have received this break "How many people have you hired?" It looks like they only have money; they do not have any intent on hiring someone.

I would love to have a million dollars a year -- I would love to hire someone at 50K a year to just make good things happen.

I hope all these wealthy congressmen decline the Federal health care program that we Americans give them. They certainly don't want the poor to have any health care.

Government needs to take some of the wealth back and give it to the middle class and poor who will spend it and fertilize the economy.

Don